BLOG ENTRY: Original Short Story
FRESH MEAT
by DG Wilson © Feb 2009
"Pa, I am hungrier than I ever been!"
"I know Sweet heart, I know." Jesse looked to his daughter about to turn into womanhood. At ten years she was a touch too thin, frail and pale. The hard times had not helped her. She and her mother deserved so much better than this. Jesse looked around the one room shack. An old pot bellied stove didn't seem to be lit because it was almost as cold inside as it was out. Wind howled constantly across the frozen lake deep in untamed North Country. The thin log walls barely held back the bitter wind.
They were poor and it was all his fault. With despair Jesse studied all of his worldly possessions and counted them on one hand. As the man of the house he had to provide and try he did. But he had not done his job. He failed his family.
Outside the wind howled and screamed as it tore through all that it found. Trees fell, houses caved and the temperature sunk like a treasure chest in the sea. This was another long winter. The old men in the parts had told of a long winter about ten years back, years before Jesse moved his family from the city. They said the snows lasted until May. They also said it would never happen again.
But it did. The land was still frozen, the winter was weeks longer than he had prepared for, but he had not a lot to begin with. It was going to be tight he remembered telling his wife. She had insisted that he ask the rich man on the hill for help.
Jesses' pride kept him back.
He thought back in time to the spring almost exactly a year before...
"Jesse, you need to get your head out of the clouds and see that we need the help. There ain't no gold here an' we can't move, we got no mo' money! Mr. Burns is a good man, I met him in town not too long ago and..."
"What do you mean you met him? I told you I could tell he wants you as his own wife! Didn't I tell you not to be social with the likes of him?! Why didn't you tell me that you spoke to him, woman?! What did he say to you?!" Jesse had been furious with his wife and let her know it.
"Oh you stop now Jesse. He meant no harm. He just talked about the weather to me and tell me I looked all pretty." Jesabell touched her hair with a warm glow to her cheek. Jesse got even angrier.
"I told you to stay away from that man. I told you."
"Jesse you listen up right now." She had scolded him, "If we need the help then you get it. He offered you a job or a few cattle to start your own herd. He said you could pay him back for the cattle later without interest! Now that is better than any bank Jesse! So I told Mr. Burns that would be right nice, too nice of him even. But he insisted.
"Jesse," she continued softer with her hand on his right arm, "I know you mean well. We ain't come all this way from the city to die. We came with you to get rich. Now if you don't go an accept that man's offer then I will!"
"Woman, I tell you again. Do not go to that man's house. I got me my pride for a reason an I ain't goin' to ask no one fer no help if I got my own two hands an a good back!"
But she had gone. And the rich mans' wallet opened her legs. Jesse felt the bitter burn of hatred once again at the still fresh memory. Burns had taken his Jesabell into his bed!
Jesse and his wife had been together ever since school. She had always been pure. Neither had ever slept with anyone else. But Burns had taken that from Jesse and burned his marriage.
"You just sit down and rest some Sally. I'll go back out and try to get somethin' for us to eat." Jesse put on his coat. He had made up his mind. It now may be too late to save his entire family but he was going to make sure at least his daughter would be spared.
"But Pa! You said they ain't no game! You said they all died off ‘cause of the sickness! No deer, rabbit, not even wild hog or turkey! The same sickness that got our farm animals! So where you goin' ta hunt?" Sally sat up with concern.
Jesse smiled at her. She was so young and innocent. It warmed his heart to know that he had at least done one thing right on this world. His daughter was the best part of his life the very meaning of life. Without her he would have folded up and died in his wife's dead arms when she starved.
The father looked hard at his only child. He saw her clearly and what his pride had done. Sally's eyes were too big in her little head, Jesse thought. I need to get us something to eat, and right quick or she goin' to die too.
Jesse thought about his recently deceased wife and what she had told him last year about Mr. Burns and his offer; once again, as he took down his old shotgun. "You just relax some and I will be back before you know it. Put another log on the fire, I feel me a mite bit lucky." He told her.
"Pa, are you sure? It is really cold in here, but I know we down to our last. This been a long hard winter ain't it? But if I burn that log all that heat be just for me. You know I ain't like that. I'll wait for you Pa." Then Sally thought quickly, "Don't take too long though."
Jesse smiled. He had made up his mind. His soul would be dead but his child would be alive. Jesse was going to do what he should have done long ago. He was going to provide for his family. The beaten man loved his family more than his entire life. Jesse would surely trade his life for his wife's and daughters'. If he could. He should be in the shed instead of his beloved.
"Yes, it has been a hard winter." Jesse consoled his daughter. "It is going to break now, I am sure. Our luck is goin' to turn right. As soon as I git us somethin' to eat, I get my strength back, then I kin git more wood. You see. We will get the warmth back in our hearts. I will get some help fer us.
"You rest up now. Remember good things like swimming in the pond, running in the woods or tumbling down those gentle foot hills. You keep your eye on what you want, not at what you don't got and you will get the most in life. God will keep you well girl. You remember that." Jesse put on his hunting hat.
"Pa, you scaring me! You sound like you ain't never comin' back!" Sally got up and fell to the floor in weakness. She crawled to her fathers' leg and begged. "Don't go, you stay here where it is safe!"
"Dear child don't worry. I will be back sooner than you think. I gots me somethin' to do to get our life back. I should a done it long ago like yer Mamma told me. You know we got to eat. I will be damned to hell if I let you starve like your Mamma. Now you go sit by the fire and warm up because I am goin' to come back with somethin' fer us. You sit now. I be right back." He gave his daughter the look that meant she was not to say another word about it. His foot was down and she knew not to press him but she also knew that she was terrified of dying all alone.
"Mamma wasn't yer fault Pa. I remember she said it over an' over fer you an I eat. She said she weren't hungry. She said it again an' again. So much so...I believed her too. It ain't yer fault Pa. She chose to go." So smart for her young life, Jesse thought. Just like her Mamma.
"Yeah, she gave herself up fer us. I know she loved us powerfully. I knowed it all along." Jesse sniffled at the sudden spring of tears. "Now it's my turn to give somethin' up. I got to go. I'll be back right quick. I know what I got to do."
"What you goin' to do? Huh Pa? You know of a secret huntin' ground? How about a nice patch of farm land burstin' with vegetables? They AIN'T no game, no crops, no mo' animals! You said it yerself anything healthy enough ta hunt, we ate ‘em before they got the sickness." Then very quietly Sally mumbled, "There ain't nothin' left. You said so, that why we ate my dog." Sally turned and stared at the fire. Out of anger she decided to put another log on after all, but it was a small one.
So much like her mother, Jesse thought. His heart broke one more time and he feared it would never heal. This was the fourth break in his entire long life. Life was always hard but some things came along and damn near killed a man.
The first time his heart broke was when he lost his son during childbirth fifteen years before. The second time had been when he learned that his wife not only sought the help of their rich neighbor Mr. Burns...but had also lain with him. Last time was the death of his love...his wife died of starvation in his arms. She gave herself for them to live...and to repent for her unfaithfulness. Now his heart shattered. His daughter didn't understand the need to take her little dog. They had to live and it ate more than they did! Sally kept feeding it what little food he could find. Now this was the last break and he feared the greatest of all. Jesse only hoped that she would grow up to understand he had to make choices. They lived up to this point because of his decisions. They lived because of him. But his decisions had almost killed them all too. Now he felt the choices he had made had boxed them into this desolate corner. They were at deaths' end, and it was because of him. She just didn't understand it was necessary to eat her dog...and yet it had not been enough. His wife had still died.
Jesse said quietly, "I don't have a secret place."
"Pa, are you goin' to Mr. Burns and ask him for some food then?" Sally said this last so quietly that Jesse had almost not heard.
Jesse didn't full answer, only said, "No, but I'm gonna see him." He said a little too firmly. She didn't know about him and his wife, she had no clue her Mamma had broken her vow to him.
More gently Jesse said to his daughter, again taken back at how much she looked like her mother, "No, he ain't got nothing neither. We on our own. It is the strongest man for himself now. His animals got the sickness too and he probably ate all his winter stores long ago. This HAS been a long winter; too long. No one, not even the rich man on the hill expected it to last this long.
"I is goin' out and see what God provides for us. We may get a miracle just yet. Lord know, we deserve one."
"Maybe if we went to church regular like the Preacher said..." Sally said to the side, not directly at her father.
"Now hush up on that! Their ain't no more God in that church than outside it! The Preacher don't know how to get the ear of God to listen any better than we do...you understand? The Preacher is just as bad off as us. If HE was so close to God then he would have healthy animals and a full pasture of grain right now while all us ‘Sinners' as he call us don't. But he ain't because he always take from us!
"We go in there," Jesse explained, "And give what we don't have to keep him telling us that we is all wrong and goin' to burn for etern'ty....unless we pay him?! Why? God is right here hon." Jesse pointed to his heart and head. "We don't need them four walls and hard chairs to get what we deserve. God know the goodness in a man's heart...not a Preacher."
Jesse calmed down again and said much softer. "Sally, you got your Mamas' big heart. Don't let it get too big. People, even the Preacher is out for themselves, otherwise they wouldn't need a church and congr'ation. They would just go out an help others as God told ‘em.
"Relax hon, take a rest. I will be back soon. Mr. Burns' farm is closest to us only 5 miles away. I'll be back before you know it." Jesse stepped out into the chill morning air but did not return until dusk.
"Sally! Sally! Wake up! I got us some game! Get the pot ready!" Jesse was very excited, pumped with adrenaline and out of breath. He closed the door too quickly and loudly. Sally jumped awake.
"What is it Pa? What you bag?" She rubbed her eyes and belly at the same time.
"Don't worry, it is good to eat. You just get the pot ready we are going to get our strength back! We are going to be alright honey." Jesse grabbed his daughter close and hugged her very tightly.
"Pa, why you are covered in blood and your face is cut! What happened? Did the deer try to fight you back?" Sally laughed a little and went to work on their dinner.
Jesse took the skinned, butchered meat to the table and cut off thick steaks. It was almost dark.
She lit a lamp with some of their last oil. Sally bent to examine the bloody meat. She could not identify the animal because it had no fur and all the meat was already cut from the bones. It was very light in color like swine but she knew there were none left in the entire area. It was lighter in color than deer meat but it looked to be about the same amount.
"Pa, why did you butcher it already? You know I could a done that fer you."
Jesse ordered her to get busy and fetch some water. Sally did as she was told with a tiny skip of excitement.
The dinner was a feast. They didn't have anything else to put with the meat, but they ate to stuffedness. It was better than he had ever eaten before. Even Sally had loved it.
"Pa, what is this?! It is so good!" She had drooled over her second plate which was nearly polished clean.
"You just eat up hon. Remember it will make you good and strong."
"I wish Mamma could see this."
"I do too. I wish I had done this before, it would have done her a good sight." Then Jesse ensured his future. Gently he said his daughters' name. She looked into his eyes, then wiped her chin.
"What Pa?"
"Sweet heart. This kill will be gone soon enough. I want you to promise me something."
"Course Pa."
"You are everything to me. I tried to provide fer you ‘n your Mamma best I can. Sometime it too hard. Not that is yer fault, it all mine. So promise me, promise that you will let me provide one last time if it come to that.
"How Pa?" She was so young.
"Sally, I will do everythin' I kin but if I go before the Spring comes, and you see no hope at all. I want you to gut me and butcher me to save yerself. Meat is meat, ‘specially if you dying. So if you got me lyin' around you put these old bones to good use. Now promise me, only if yer starving...and don't tell NO ONE that yer ever did. Yer just tell ‘em yer burried yer Mamma ‘n me together in the yard. Now you promise."
At the tender age of ten Sally was too young to fully understand. All she knew was that her Pa was the greatest man on Earth and that he weren't going no where. But she did know how to butcher all kinds of animals, he had taught her years ago. Deer, hog, cow, turkey, rabbit, goose... it were all the same really.
"Sure Pa. I put yer to good use. Now eat up, it late an I got to do the dishes."
Jesse was certain he had done the right thing. He and his daughter were going to live. Despite the damnation of his soul, he was going to make sure his child lived on. The fact that there was one less man to steal a wife on Earth was just an extra.
And he was sure she was going to like the taste of human flesh, because she liked it so much she got another helping.
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